Having a Fierce Conversation: A Manager’s Guide for Dealing with Conflict at Work

Managers, is there a difficult conversation you’ve been putting off at work? That issue you’ve

been avoiding or don’t want to address? Ok, there it is. That one. This article is for you.

Leading people is dynamic. From varying generations of employees in the workforce to

challenges with IT tools, poor communication, remote work and leadership changes,

unfortunately, conflict at work is alive and well. But how can managers deal with conflict and

effectively address the concerns of their staff?

On average, it’s estimated that an employee spends more than two hours per week dealing with

conflict. Managers are ill-equipped to address and deal with conflict at work and virtual work

makes it even harder to deal with conflict. The key for managers? Getting comfortable having a

Fierce Conversation.

What is a Fierce Conversation? It’s not the leader telling the employee what they think; it’s a

powerful, eager and strong conversation that comes from and faces reality together. It’s a

conversation based in truth that gets to the real reason behind the conflict and addresses it.

If you’re a people manager and looking for ideas on how to address conflict on your team, here

are a few ideas on how to have Fierce Conversations:

Interrogate Reality

Ask the provocative questions and evaluate with honesty, “what are you pretending not to know?”

Show Up Authentically

Show up with reality. Have you asked yourself how you feel about your life, yourself and your work? Can you identify the real issue in yourself and the impact of the conflict? Can you see why this situation feels so personal or bothers you so much?

Leadership is personal, show up in reality. Once you know this truth, you will be better suited to have the Fierce Conversation.

Be Present

Every time you show up as a leader, you are either flatlining, enhancing or diminishing the relationship. Everything you say is important. So be sure to be fully present to this conversation and choose your words carefully.

Tackle the Toughest Challenge

What is the problem you are solving for over and over again? We need to tackle that issue as a leader.

So, it’s time for you to name it, be specific and give examples – search for the truth. This involves leading with courageous confrontation. Remember that all healthy relationships involve confrontations.

Trust Your Gut

Pay attention to what you are thinking or feeling. Don’t allow others to influence your instinct or decision by seeking support or affirmation from others when you “know” in your gut what you need to do.

Own the Emotional Wake

Take responsibility for the emotional wake from the conversation. What does this mean? Whatever you say has an impact on your employees. They may be processing and there may be implications of things you said.

As a leader you need to learn to deliver the message without the emotional impact as much as possible.

Allow Silence to Do the Heavy Lifting

Allow space in the conversation to give time for the words to sink in. The more important the conversation, the more silence is needed. Don’t squirm away from silence, but let it help. Silence is when the work is actually being done, so embrace it.

Remember, one difficult conversation is much better than a bunch of conversations that avoid the truth. These conversations will take time, practice and communication. But once you get to the truth, you will feel so much better… and so will your team.

If you have questions or are seeing a lot of conflict and need a support team to help, we’re here

for you. Reach out to advisor@workplaceharmonyhr.com and we can discuss HR Bootcamp

for Managers or our Conflict Resolution Workshop for your team.